I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. Not that this is something new for me seeing as my mind is a constant buzz of thoughts, good and bad. Most recently I have found myself questioning everything around me and reflecting on my life so far.
Now let me begin with saying that turning 26 is hardly 'old'. Let's be honest here, what is 'old' anyway? However, something about leaving my early twenties behind has had an odd effect on me. Am I having a mid-twenties crisis? Is that even a thing?
There is a pressure that we all put on ourselves from an early age. I remember teenage Emily was convinced that 25-year-old Emily would have it all sorted. That was an adult age right? The age where you settle down, have a good job, own a house, maybe be married and have kids?
I don't think I am the only one who had that thought cross their mind. Now, I don't exactly long to have all of those things but that realisation that I once thought I would be a in a different place than I am now is a strange one.
It could be my own anxieties coming into play here but I am starting to question exactly what I am doing with my life. I see friends around me succeeding, settling down, travelling the world or just seem to have their life in order. I know that deep down that is not the case and they will also have their own concerns but that doesn't stop me from feeling that I am not good enough.
I didn't go to university, I haven't travelled the world much, I am hardly rolling in the cash but does that really matter?
I know I have achieved things. My blog being one of them. I know it is hardly the best damn blog you have ever read in your life but it is something I am truly proud of. It helped me come out of my shell and it put me in the direction I want to be in career wise - but yet I still don't think I've done enough.
When I think about 18-year-old Emily, I don't exactly what to go back to her. She was a mess of a human being to be honest. She didn't know what she wanted, she sailed through life, made bad choices and wallowed in depression. Throughout my twenties, I managed to get myself in order again but at the fine age of 26, I feel like I have slipped back.
I've let my mental health and physical health go to the way side. I spend far too much of my time questioning, over-analysing and worrying about every single thing around me. Is this what a mid-twenties crisis is? This feeling that you haven't done enough because of some stupid life standards you should be following?
I'd like to be able to conclude this post with a happy thought but I would be lying through my teeth. Quite honestly, this post is just me ranting about the silly thoughts that are going on in my head.
I've not got my life together but you know, that might be fine? I need to stop over thinking about the fact I am over thinking, if that makes any sense? I need to accept that I am getting older and with that, I am changing. That is not a bad thing really.
Anyone else think they are having a bizarre mid-twenties crisis? What are you doing to overcome it?
(Did you enjoy the 'deep' thoughts of me staring into space on bridges?)
Till the next time